We have all heard old jokes about the nagging wife haranguing her husband about, say, raking the leaves in the front yard or fixing the broken garage door. Though such jokes may have been rooted in old notions of traditional spousal roles, most married people in Oregon know that nagging, or one spouse repeatedly asking the other to take care of some less-than-fun task, happens in almost every marriage at some point.

Unfortunately, excessive nagging can create an emotional rift between spouses, possibly leading to divorce. The nagging spouse may feel that he or she is being ignored and resent that the other spouse is letting important tasks go undone. Meanwhile, the nagged spouse may feel put-upon and underappreciated - after all, he or she is busy with work/parenting/etc., and may not have time to get to cleaning the attic the first time he or she is asked.

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal provides some advice for helping make sure nagging does not ruin your marriage. Here they some of them:

• Watch how you ask. If you are the one asking your spouse to take care of something, try to ask in a non-accusatory way. Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. For example, "I would really appreciate it if you could take care of the bills," is better than "You forgot to pay the bills again." Explain why the task is important.

• Be realistic. Keep perspective on what you are asking for. Some tasks may not need to be handled immediately. Give your spouse a fair time frame to finish the chore.

• Respond to the request. Let your spouse know if, or when, you will be able to get to the task. Then keep your word. If something comes up, let him or her know so that it does not appear you are blowing him or her off.

• Stay cool. If you find yourselves having regular arguments over nagging, recognize that is a trigger and discuss how to address it. There should be a compromise that satisfies both spouses.

Source: Wall Street Journal, "Meet the Marriage Killer," Elizabeth Bernstein, Jan. 25, 2012